Going Home

Death is still relatively new territory for me. My paternal grandparents died when I was very young, and I hardly knew them. I've had some close friends lose loved ones, so I know how it feels to hurt for someone and with someone, but to experience the actual loss of a parent... or a spouse... is beyond my comprehension.

Being married has made me think about this more. When I was single, it never occurred to me that along with the great gain of love and a life-long partner comes the fear and potential of devastating loss. It's a weird paradox. I know that death is inevitable, and as a Christian I do not fear death, but I guess a part of me fears life should those that I love pass on before me.

I bring all of this up, because a couple of weeks ago a very dear woman and friend of ours passed away, leaving behind her husband of 51 years. We weren't able to attend the funeral, but some friends were kind enough to send us the program, which I received in the mail today. Inside the program were the words to this beautiful hymn, written by her father. They brought tears to my eyes, and I wanted to share them with you.

I Want To Go Home
by William Windahl

I want to go Home to the Lord I love;
I want to go Home to mansions above,
To the City bright with its streets of gold,
To joy and gladness, to glories untold.

I want to go Home to see the face
Of Him Who saved me by His infinite grace,
Hung on the cross of Calvary
And shed his blood to ransom me.

I want to go Home with Him to dwell
Who conquered Satan, sin, death and hell,
Cleansed me from sin by His blood divine,
Dwells now in my heart and I know He is mine.

I want to go Home, yet I must stay
And help lost sinners to find the way
To Calvary's cross, to His riven side,
To trust Him only and in Him abide.

I want to go Home, soon the battle is o'er;
I'll leave earth's darkness for the golden shore;
There the glory of God will shine always
And I'll praise my dear Savior in unending day.

I love this song, even though I've never heard the melody. I love that my friend's father wrote it, and I love that my friend shared his perspective. I love to dwell on the fact that my friend is now home, and even more than that, to know that she longed to be there and that her husband longed for her to be there, in spite of the loss to himself.

Death is so bittersweet. On the one hand, we want those we love to be with the One who loves them perfectly; on the other hand, we miss the opportunities that life affords us to love them in our own imperfect ways. Shortly before my friend passed away, one of her friends wrote, "We are slowly gathering on the other side. What a wonderful thought and what a great gathering it will be!! No matter how difficult it is for us in this world to let go, they are all eager for her to come home to God's house." Amen!

As for me, I may not know much about death, but I cling to what I know about Him. As Sara Groves wrote in the song "What Do I Know" (Conversations, 2001):

I don't know that there are harps in heaven
Or the process for earning your wings
I don't know of bright lights at the ends of tunnels
Or any of these things
But I know that to be absent from this body
Is to be present with the Lord
And from what I know of Him, that must be very good.